International Relations Theory “Joke”

Socialize by : Muhammad Choirul Rosiqin, International Relations Student @University of Muhammadiyah Malang

Created by: Martin Brink

SOCIALISM

Muhammad Choirul Rosiqin

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have 2 cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have 2 cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, and then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offerso that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have 2 cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has died.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have 2 cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, becauseyou want three cows.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have 2 cows, but you do not know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have 2 cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have 2 cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have 2 cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

Nobody believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have 2 cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have 2 cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have 2 cows borrowed from French and German banks.

You eat both of them.

The banks call to collect their milk, but you cannot deliver so you call the IMF.

The IMF loans you two cows.

You eat both of them.

The banks and the IMF call to collect their cows/milk.

You are out getting a haircut.

AN IRISH CORPORATION

You have 2 cows

One of them is a horse

– see https://www.facebook.com/martin.brink.brazil/posts/10151852895521668

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About Muhammad Choirul Rosiqin

I was born in Eastern Probolinggo, East Java, in 1994. I'm student of International Relations @University of Muhammadiyah Malang
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